I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i will never coherently bang her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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