Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
