Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
