Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
