I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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