She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
