I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
