You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
