my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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