worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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