I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
