Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
