Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
