Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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