one might say we're banned from that church
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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