Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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