If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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