she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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