reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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