Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
