meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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