I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
