its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
