Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
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