Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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