he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
