sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
