Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
