Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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