Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
