dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
