This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
