So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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