I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
