Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
