Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
