she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
