I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
