And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
