dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
