But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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