No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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