I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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