I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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