So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
