She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
