Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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