Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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