the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this just has baby written all over it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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