oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
