Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
